It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
