You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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