then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
