i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
