Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
