just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
