I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
