he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
