And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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