im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
