I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
