remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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