physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize