please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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