Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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