I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
no you cant smoke seaweed
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
