i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
