She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
