She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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