ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
