Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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