I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
