just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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