i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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