if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
