Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
