my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
