You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
