xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
