Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
