Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
