conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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