Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sext me about skeletons
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
