Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
