All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
