his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
