i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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