Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
