just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
