the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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