WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
