My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
