I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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