i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
