ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
