Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
