the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
