I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
