...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
