Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
