i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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