the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
