Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
