My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
