i can't believe i had my finger in that
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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