my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
