I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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