also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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