shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
