i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
