Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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