watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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