oh god the rape fog is back!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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