Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This is the high leading the old right now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
