Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize