Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
