the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
