Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
