i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
