The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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