I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Someone came in the potted fern
I just forgot I was standing up.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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