you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
