; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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