remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
