seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
