My room smells like vodka and shame
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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