Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
