is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
