dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i think i have two assholes
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
