honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
