hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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