She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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