The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
