is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
