Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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