Who wears a wallet chain?!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
