you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
