cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have surprise drugs for everyone
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
