we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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