It's Friday. Sex?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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